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Posts Tagged ‘Waiting’

This post was written by Missy Leventhal – wife of HFO Ops guy David Leventhal.  Missy & David have four children and are in the process of adopting their second child from China (a three year old little boy).  Missy recently reflected on what she’s learned through the waiting process.  Missy does her blogging at www.theleventhals.com & her Twittering at @missyleventhal.

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I’ve had several people ask me recently how I’m doing with the wait.  So far I think I’m doing pretty good.  We’ve had enough to distract us with buying a new house and preparing to move, along with the normal hustle and bustle of keeping up with the other four, that I haven’t had much time to sit and think about the wait.  Don’t get me wrong, I think about my boy often!  I’ve just done a better job this time around not letting the wait control me.

I’ll explain…

As we got to this point with Abigail’s adoption I was consumed by blogs and yahoo groups.  I would check them multiple times throughout the day to see if any of the families ahead of us in the process had gotten word of travel approval.  I would get caught up in this cyberworld and WASTE hours upon hours glued to my computer. Daily.

It was not good.

Now, there’s nothing wrong with blogs or yahoo groups…I obviously have a blog and I still participate in a yahoo group.  They are great outlets and great sources for support.  However, when you are so consumed by them that you can’t even step away to play with the children already in your home, or when they stir up anxiety and anxiousness it’s just not good.

Also, the first time around I feel I fantasized about Abigail quite a bit.  What she’d be like, how she’d act, what we’d do together, how the other kids would play with her…it was dreamy!  She was perfect!  I fell in love with a picture and a perfect, made-up child.

Now, there’s nothing wrong with being excited and anticipating how things are going to change.  But at some point the expectations formed through this anticipation are going to meet up with reality and some adjustments are going to have to be made.

For me the depths of my expectations did not help me with our transition, and it took me months to figure out that the disconnection I was feeling with her was due, in a large part, to my unmet and unrealistic expectations.  As I’ve come to understand my own heart more through much prayer, educated myself with some great books like The Connected Child, and surrounded myself with other godly adoptive families through our church’s adoption ministry (Watermark Tapestry), I’ve learned that I must evaluate and adjust my expectations so that they are more realistic.  I must love my daughter for who she is and for how our God has created her, rather than try to make her into something she’s not.  This is not a new concept to me, but it is one that took me being very intentional to really change my heart.

So, I guess you can say, I learned my lesson the first time around!  I do get excited about meeting Joshua and discovering his personality.  I can’t wait to have him home to love on him, play with him, and cuddle him.  I can’t wait to see how his little life is going to impact the lives of our other children.  But I’m trying to be more realistic and almost hold my emotions an arm’s length away so that I can fall in love with him, and not what I imagine to be him!  Does that even make any sense?

Do I like waiting? No.  I’d have him home today if I could.  But I know waiting is part of the process.  I know that my Lord loves him even more than I do, and I know that He can take care of Chang Shun just fine without me.  I know that He has invited me into this process and is giving me the privilege of being this little boy’s mommy for a time.  I know that all of my kids are HIS before they are mine, and so I must hold them with an open hand and trust in His loving care…much easier said than done!  But I’m working on it!

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