In James 1:27 the believer is instructed to visit widows and orphans in their distress.
As American Christians, I think many of us have not considered the implications of what distress really means for kids in foster care and many other orphans throughout the world.
Many North American believers have awakened to God’s love for fatherless children. In some circles, unfortunately, and sometimes dangerously, it is even becoming a badge of spirituality to adopt.
Still, God has given thousands of children the joy of a forever family. The growing adoption movement is a visible illustration of God’s plan to overcome sin and brokenness through His adoption of us, made possible by the death and resurrection of His Son, Jesus. As for the Christian families adopting these children, the blessings for both them and their children have been nothing short of a demonstration of the reality of God.
However, what many people have not always understood is the magnitude of pain, hurt, fear, need, affliction, or “distress” as it were, that many children bring with them. When we love these children with special needs or who are coming from dark places, that means that this distress becomes a part of us…our marriages and our families. Some, maybe most, who are adopting have no idea of how to prepare themselves, much less their children and spouses.
This includes not really grasping the level of sacrifice that God is sometimes calling families to in adoption. In Hebrews 11, we all remember the recounting of the victories and miracles that God performed through people of faith, but what we forget are those lives talked about in verses 35 through 38. These are equally lives of faith; believers who endured mockery, scourging, chains, stoning, death by the sword and affliction. They, like those who experienced victory, also gained approval through their faith for something better.
Sometimes adoption is full of victory, miracles and joys unimaginable. But sometimes it brings with it the sufferings, confusion, doubts and struggles that can only be faced through faith and with the power of the Holy Spirit. When families are called to such adoptions, they often need help. The Church should be a place where they can turn and get that help.
There is a crisis brewing and spreading almost as fast as God is mobilizing the Church to serve orphans. The crisis is coming about as a result of the rapid increase in believers who are adopting older, special needs and at-risk children, but are not fully equipped to do so. The crisis is manifesting itself in an increase in the number of families struggling to cope with some of the issues their new children bring to their homes, and in an increase of post-placement risk of disrupted adoptions as well.
Next year, some experts estimate that 60% of all children adopted from China to American families will be special needs kids. In Ukraine, like many other parts of the world, it appears that future adoptions will be skewed greatly to older kids and sibling groups, in addition to those with severe emotional and medical needs. In America, we understand more instinctively that children from foster care are often coming from hard places.
At Hope for Orphans, we believe that God’s solution for meeting this crisis (and the whole orphan crisis for that matter) is THE CHURCH. The Church was designed by God to be that safe community where members of the body serve one another when the wheels come off in life. The Church should be a place where families can be honestly prepared, maybe even helped through self-assessment in advance of entering the process to adopt older, special needs, or at-risk children.
This September 16th and 17th, we will be hosting the Hope for Orphans Institute at the Hope Center in Plano, Texas. The purpose of this two-day conference is to equip orphan ministry leaders, pastors, counselors, social workers and others with biblically-based skills and tools to serve families called to adopt older, special needs and at-risk kids. We will have nationally-renowned experts providing insights to help families and leaders to meet this growing need. This event will be hosted and moderated by Ryan Dobson, who is himself an adult adoptee.
We believe that the Church is the key place that the needs of struggling adoptive families can be met in-depth and in sustainable ways. For social workers and professionals partnering with the Church in serving families in acute need, the principles from this conference will give new power to help make a difference. To learn more about this event and how God can use you to help others in your church and community, go to www.HFOInstitute.org.
Paul Pennington is the founder of Hope for Orphans. He and his wife, Robin, have six children. They live in Dallas, Texas.
SO true! I have worked in international adoption and am now a foster parent. I see well meaning, but ill prepared Christian families adopting the toughest of the tough all the time with the full conviction that love + Jesus will be enough. And while this is true on the one hand, it is also usally a bloody mess in the proecess and if one isn’t prepared, that is a shock.
If it’s okay I’d like to share this post on my blog: http://attemptingagape.blogspot.com/
Thanks, and keep up the good work-
Alisa
Paul, this is a great explanation–and reminder–of how that word “distress” practically plays out for our kids and families. Thank you!
Thank you for speaking the truth. We can never be the saviour that others need. Adoption has taught me this again and again. We can only be an instrument of grace from our Saviour. It pains me to see well meaning families hurting because of ignorance. Thank you for providing education and awarenesss. It can only help.
Paul- Thank you for this response- It is not only the calling, but the responsibility of the church to stand up and walk alongside these families…we do a great job equipping families to go on international missions, but expect them to “figure it out” when they go on local mission caring for Foster Children
We have seen a personal example of a couple in our church who “adopted” out of a sense of their “spiritual responsibility” and it seemed it was also to impress others. They did not fully comprehend the disruption this 2 yr old child would bring to their “controlled” life and when she was not the “perfect” child, after a year of her being in their home, at the age of 3, they actually gave her back to the system. This was devastating to the child and to the church. Unfortunately our church was ill equipped to deal with supporting the family through the difficult changes, and then dealing with the hurt and forgiveness necessary after the child was returned. The good news is that the child was adopted by a mature older couple that had fostered her previously and she will be with them forever. 🙂
I would love to see some more small group study material that would help equip families to prepare for the practical difficulties of adoption, once they feel spiritually led to foster or adopt.
Thanks for this honest approach to an increasingly overwhelming problem. I once heard a definition for adoption that has stuck with me. It is the act of intentionally throwing yourself into the pain of another. That was the case for our family when we brought home Dane from a Romanian orphanage twenty years ago thinking love and a good home would make all the difference.
It seemed for years God was silent to our desperate prayers, but He then led us to a path of help and answers, though not cures, for our family life had been forever altered. Had it not been for the work of Dr. Karyn Purvis, we wouldn’t have survived the years of crisis and chaos. I’m glad to see believers mobilizing to address the unique, confusing, and complex issues of not only “kids from hard places,” but also what I call “parents on hard journeys.” My prayers are extended to you in this effort to mobilize the church to educate, support, and meet the needs of these families beyond “the call to adopt.”
Debra Delulio Jones
Thank you for this caution. As an adoptive parent I am very pro-adoption, but adoption must be entered into with eyes open to the realities of the challenges that will be in store for our families–our nuclear family, extended family as well as the church family–when we adopt a child from a hard place. When I worked in adoption I cautioned my families to access counseling sources, support groups and therapists before bringing their children home. The families that were most successful–in spite of the challenges–were those that erred on the side of over-preparing rather than assuming all would be rosey because God was leading them to adopt.
Thanks for the reminder!